Error 609 FOUND: Being Not Enough

Hi, this is just another relationship-based article. It will not bring any change or transformation to the GDP of my Nation. But it might just transform someone’s social attitude towards themselves.

Thought of the Day?

“How well you handle your work shows your academic knowledge and skills.
How well you handle your relationships, shows your upbringing”

© Sk Muskan Tabasum

Well, a lot of us weigh our value and worth, based on how somebody else treats us. After a relationship ends or a lover cheat on the partner, you would often find the other person screaming at the top of their voice (In Bollywood at least), “mere pyaar mein akhir aisi kya kami reh gayi thi?”

I have seen the same resonance with my friends, juniors, seniors… etc.

When a partner leaves or a relationship does not work, people often blame themselves. They feel- it was their fault, their drawback. It was their limitations that they could not stand up to the expectations of their partner. They feel that they were ‘not enough’.

Is that true? Even a cripple person would find an escalator ‘not enough’ to reach the second floor of a building.

They need to get on the elevator instead, I believe.

I do not mean to use insensitive examples. But disability comes in various forms. One that we can see and identify. Such as physically disabled people, or people with mental-disorders who take time to process their surrounding information, the blind people, the deaf people, the et-cetera et-cetera-kinds of people. Then comes the kind of people whose mentality is sick. They are mentally fine, earning well, living well, drinking well. But they are unwell. They have a sulking mentality. And for this kind of people- even a limited edition is not enough.

So, if you are someone who has weighed their value based on how you were treated, and not chosen, here is the truth.

I know you think, your efforts, your love was not enough. But then paracetamol is not enough for a person with a viral fever. Honey mixed in hot water, is not enough for a person counting on cancer. They need antibiotics and chemotherapy, respectively.

I had shelved this article for a very long time. I was looking for a practical example that would not be counted among toxic masculinity or frantic feminism. Something that can open your timid eyes to the tougher reality.

And, this might sound humorous-

We had hired a contractor to construct the second-storey of our home. That man is brilliant at his work. He has got an A-team. He has got some good values. And his work approach is something we are really relishing on. No headaches, no disagreements. But this man has one limitation. His earshot range is very less. While discussing changes or improvising plans my mother always has to shout at the top of her voice. And either I have to literally use my hands for non-verbal representations so that he can catch up with our phrases.

The inability to hear, is his limitation. But what happens, he frowns on my mother because he feels that she is shouting at him. There have been instances in our discussion sessions where he really asks me to “please interpret this to your mom, I can’t”.

Dear Readers, you really need to believe me, my mother does understand every bit. Rather it is me, who would not be making any decisions on this project, if there by any.

Cut to the Chase*

That uncle is nothing but the embodiment of the other partner who made you feel ‘not enough’. It was their limitation. It was they who could not hear your commitment. It was them who could not recognise your affection. It was them who were never taught that communication can solve problems. They shut you out? And you thought, you had shortcomings!

Dear, it was them who needed more than what you were giving them. You were not less. They were so empty that no matter how much you gave, you would always be less.

To be someone’s ‘enough’ or as a Tanishk-Vayu song suggests, ‘mere liye tum hi kaafi ho’, you do not have to be larger than what you already are. Of course, you can be a better person, but that does not mean expanding your boundaries or the length of your hand. As per me, I’ll say to be enough is to be accepted as you are- both sides- good and bad. To overcome the shortcomings together and build a love you can be proud of.

Because someone who chooses your highs and frowns at your lows- are people who have double standards. They are the sick-kind-a-mentality people for whom even limited edition is ‘not enough’.

And babe, YOU ARE ONE OF A KIND.

So, acknowledging that everybody has their kinds and forms of limitations. Choose someone who embraces your highs and adds grace to your lows. You do not have to be someone’s perfection of expectations.

If you can be you, love, peace and solace will find you.

In plenty and enough.