10 Negative But important Vices of Life: Being Out-focused

 Disclaimer: To people who believe that Mahabharat was a myth, for them my anecdote is mythical. To people like me, who believe in the existence of Shri Krishna, my anecdote is historical.

Historically (mythically), the stories of past tell us that there are two types of blind. One by birth. Those who did not have a choice except being born blind, to have seen nothing in the world, Seeing it through other people’s narration and tales. The one who in Mahabharata was King Dhritarashtra.

The other blind is the blind by choice. Those who are so adamant in their choices, perspectives, theories, decisions and other things that they do not know what is happening around. People who have the entire world at their blind spot. People who are so focused on thrusting their decisions that cannot see the impact of it on the lives of other people, themselves and the society at large. The one in Mahabharata who was Gandhari, the princess of Gandhar.

Princess Gandhari was not born blind. She was capable. She was a trained warrior. She knew how to wield a sword- both weaponized and verbal. And yet- she chose to be blind. The moment she got to know that her husband is blind by birth she gave up her ability to see as well. She was so focused on being equal to her partner and not more than him, that she lost her opportunity to be His EYES.

This ancient fable is a passing event in the tale of Mahabharata. But- this passing event had also set the course of each and every life in the Mahakavya.

We are often taught to "have a goal as focused as that of Arjuna". Hit on the eye of the bird. Let the world disappear around you. Works. Really works. 

This mantra is not just a chant but a success mantra. It works. What does not work in this success mantra is forgetting that the world is happening around you and while you are aiming for the eye of the bird, someone else might be aiming at you!

This is no prologue to some detective novel. This is a fact. When you are too much focused on something, when your entire concentration is at a single point, a lot of things might be happening around you. These things might not hurt you. But, 'these things' can be a better something that you should have opted or given attention to. 

There is this thing with narcissistic people- they are so indulged in how they see the world and how they perceive things, that they do not take into account other people's opinion and emotions. Narcissistic people are not made of a different clay, they have just practiced the art of self-centeredness too much! They are too much focused in how they feel and believe that what you feel and believe is simply pointless. 

Think it this way- there are people who would be so focused that you are arguing with them, that they would never hear what are you trying to tell, or convey. To them, the center of attention would always remain at the point, that you have argued to them and you have declined their decision or perception. 

They are focused- to their ego. They have to get out-focused from their ego to hear anything sane. 

This is like most Indian parents who are so focused in shaping your life, making decisions on your part for your better future that they simply forget, that it is your life. They are so focused on what they have done for you (materialistic), that they forget to see what are they doing to you (emotionally).

When it comes to grabbing opportunities in life- it goes the same. It is good to be focused. You want higher marks; you want a certain rank for your engineering pursuit. You wish to have a certain kind of lifestyle- you wish to go abroad for better education. But, you were so focused on getting admission in that prestigious university with that thriving degree, that you have missed the academic course which is booming and might takeover the market in the next five years.

My uncle was so focused that I should become a teacher, that he could never see- I don’t want the lifestyle that it brings. I have no disrespect for the profession, but I am not the person who has the patience to teach the same thing year after year to different faces. That is my take on teaching. I respect the profession- not for me though. So, when I took up English in my Bachelor’s, he was very happy. He was very happy to see me quit on commerce for the love of literature. He did not see that it was only for the love of literature and I would still not pursue teaching. He is still frustrated. Every once in a month, he would come to our home and waste one or two hours of my time, telling me “you can still do the B.Ed”.

He is focused on having a secure profession, he cannot see my detest for it.

Mama's focus did not ruin my career discussions only. He was so focused on forbidding my mother to provide me a separate phone and bar me from having internet in it, that he never thought he could give direction to my use of internet. It is simple- He thought that I would be watching 'wrong things' over the web and so he was concerned. He was so focused with his concerns that he never tried to inspire me to use internet and begin career exploration from an early stage. I had my 10th boards in 2015 and at that time, Instagram was not reeling as much as in 2025. 2012-2015 was the era of simple Google search, watching Youtube videos (no stand-up comedies), animes and web games. Social sites were there, but not as popular as now. They were not a household name back at that time.

Let me expand how obsessed my mama was with his focused perceptions. He was so focused that I did not put up dupattas (scarf), that he never really noticed, how good my writing was. He was so focused on me not hanging around with boys that he never noticed if my guy friends were good, bad, angels, drunkards or anything. It seemed like- if I would hang around with a guy for an hour at broad daylight, I would lose my virginity! This was his mentality. And this mentality has suffocated me in his presence, does not matter if he was in my hometown or kilometres away.

In one of my relationships, I had focused so much on giving space to my beloved, that I could never see, he was only running away. He would always have a nice evening at some nukkar with me, would tell me how much he loves me over text the same night, and for the next few weeks and months, self-sabotage everything. He kept me moving around circles. Because I kept focusing on the point that he needs space. I should have out-focused to see that we were going around circles and he was just making a joke of me- to other girls who would come in his life after me. Right?

You know? When he used to tell me how his previous girlfriend and his previous-to-previous girlfriend had gone crazy for him, they had been running after him and he did not know how to get rid of them, he was also telling me, how he is going to portray me, after we were done. Of course, I was so focused in his adventures, that I did not see, I was just a passing event.

Things always lie on our plain-sight. Nothing is hidden. We only keep zooming in to our favourite part of the goal, memory or relationship. We need to out-focus ourselves to see the bigger picture.

 Sometime you need to dissociate your emotions from the events that are happening around you. This is when, you can see the bigger picture. Life too has many such situations and circumstances where you need to see the bigger picture instead of the eye of the bird. There would be many decisions that require a bird-eye view than a focused and obsessed perception.