Not all Dots have to be Good Dots!

-
A very close friend of mine keeps saying, "I'll never hurt her (his girlfriend, of course); I'll never bring tears to her eyes, never cause her pain..." blah, blah, blah. 
Is that even real? Yes it is.
But is it practical? Noooo, please.

A very surreal mistake we keep making in our precious bonds, is we expect way too much of ourselves, more than the other person expects from us. Then, we inevitably increase their hopes. And then we fail to keep those hopes alive. And then curse ourselves. And then runaway from that relationship! Hang on dude... Why???

Not because you are a failure, no. But you failed. You failed at being successful at something which was meant to collapse. 

When you tie close knots with someone, it is obvious that at times the knot will cause strain, get stretched and push and pull you. That doesn't signal that you need to break that attachment. 

In every adventure of life, we collapse when our hopes collapse. When the other person is hurt, we try to mend & make it up to them. Good Thing. But when you can't look at their eyes, it is because you see a reflection of your image who failed.

Failed at what?
Failed at your own self employed mission of "I'll never hurt you darling". Bizzare Idea. 

A coin with heads on both sides is rare but has no market value! Any relationship cannot be "all-goodie-goodie". That's fun. That's not a bond. If it is a bonding, it'll hurt. It'll cause pain & happiness, merriment & irritation, joy & madness. The binaries come along. They are not different & divided!

A relation will cause colineation. That line will be formed by connecting millions of dots. Now you cannot expect all dots to be good dots! 
Grow up?

If, you are looking for a healthy relationship: don't be afraid of those uncomfortable conversations. If you are looking forward to save your precious bonds, save yourself first from such claustrophobic expectations.

Not the other. You are expecting too much and it will get too heavy. Why to expect things which are out of your league?

Hurting & Sporting go hand in hand. Just make sure, you don't deliberately and consciously choose to hurt them. 

So, focus on Loving them, not on "not hurting them". Simple 🐾😉

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Art & Algorithm

-
Image
 Do you really think that writers or painters have a pattern in being mused and amusing you? Do you really think that it is practically possible for any writer to wake up in the morning with a new hunch and inject in you a motivational punch? Haa! Maybe you don't. But the influential social media and the urge to be found in a web traffic has made the writers and other artists feel that their art should come out in a pattern that matches the social media algorithm and help them to get found or let's say in the Gen Z fashion, 'trend'...! Beginning from a few years ago till a few week ago, I too have tried to fit in an algorithm. The social media hashtags, you see. Fit in how the keywords works, how the hashtags can be used, what people are liking, what modern influencers are doing. And especially try to see if my posts has reached the algorithm approval or not. Surprisingly, whatever I did, did not work. Was it a surprise? No... It had not been working past four years, wh...
Read more

Fear is but, A Lack of Faith

-
Image
There is nothing called fear. It's just a lack of faith. A lack of faith on yourself, or on a person. A lack of self confidence. A lacking of belief on the power of your skills. Fear, is just the basic feeling which comes out of the anxiousness of an unseen, unknown future.  You fear when something changes & you don't have the least idea of how are the winds going to sail you. Fear is the reaction when you give in to the uncertainty and uncontrollability of things happening in your life. Fear has no independent existence. It is but a lack of faith on yourself.  When you wish for a definite and exact outcome, but you cannot assure it for yourself, there comes fear. Fear is the but a lack of faith on the existential possibility of your desires. When you conjure up images that are opposite to your dreamland, to your wishing well.  When those contradictory images look more real and probable, we fear.  If you are getting this, you'd understand that there c...
Read more

What is so difficult about Trying?

-
Image
Over the last few days, I have been playing basketball in my courtyard. It is nothing professional. It is just a recreational activity without a cemented court or rules. My mother had planned to tuck a basket at a good enough height at the anterior wall, and now I have been playing basketball, where my premium activity is to basket the ball without anyone snatching it away from my hands.  Let me tell you a secret? It is very tiring. Almost equal to giving up.  Every time I throw the ball above at it, the ball either gets hit on the wall and bounces back (not at me) at the other end of the yard. I would rush to catch it (without success) and run till the end of the fences where the ball had almost nowhere to go. I will take it back and try again and again it would get hit on the wall and push me to rush at some other direction. Tiring stuff. Fun yes, Tiring more.  It was tiring, because I was trying.  One of the hardest things about trying is that we feel we are not d...
Read more